Ex-Maid of Honor shares horror story: 'I took her to a private room and shut the door.'

"The 'real' Maid-of-honor chronicles..."

Have you ever been a part of a wedding party where there have been some sore feelings about who was the Maid of Honor? My best friend got married a few years ago and her and I are very alike in the sense the we have never been “into” weddings.

Just a small private ceremony and reception (close friends/family - done). She especially did not want anything big as she is an only child and her parents had both unexpectedly passed 3 years before.

Her wedding was more of a sore point that her parents were not able to be there and she had no extended family. Her fiancé comes from a big family and she didn’t want him to miss out on a big wedding so they compromised. I was the maid of honor.

She had recently become close with one of her fiancé’s friend’s wife who is VERY into weddings and she sort of took the reins with decorating etc. My focus was on keeping my friend from breaking down about her parents.

Every time I would almost get her to a dress store she would just melt into tears because it was always something she planned to do with her mom. So I was very grateful to this other bridesmaid for helping out with a lot of the things that weren’t really my forte and that the bride had no interest in (although we tried).

The day of the wedding, she approached the bride and said she wanted to give a “secondary maid of honor toast." My friend is very non-confrontational and looked at me. (I didn’t care). My friend said that she just wanted the maid of honor to give a short toast and that was it, but thanked her.

The whole wedding she introduced herself as the “the other maid of honor” which confused guests and she explained the bride chose to have 2. My good friend (also a bridesmaid) and I kind of joked about it all day because it was just odd and she knows I’m just not into weddings/planning.

The other maid of honor started to confront me about things like why I wasn’t doing this or that and that it was my job and she really should have been the maid of honor blah blah. I took her to a private room and shut the door. I told her that my only concern today was my friend and her feelings.

The remembrance table that was set up for her parents was the only thing my friend asked me to put together and she asked that if I saw her start to cry to come hold her hand and slip her a handkerchief.

I told her that she has no idea the strength that it took for my friend to get behind this wedding for her now husband and that this wasn’t some elegant dream party she had been looking forward to for months.

It was something she had been dreading. I told her I didn’t give a crap about some stupid title and she could have it and all the responsibilities that came with it. She was shocked and elated at being the NEW maid of honor.

OP inspired commenters to share their own horror stories:

Barfignugen said:

My best friend is planning her wedding now and is choosing to have no bridesmaids at all because of similar drama. I’ve already made it clear to her that absolutely ZERO percent of this wedding is about me or my feelings.

I’m here to help HER and make sure that what SHE and her fiancé want is what happens. All these people making any part of this about themselves are fucking psychos. I’d expect more from people in their late 30’s/early 40’s but I guess some people never grow out of it.

BanisienVidra said:

The last wedding I went to the three bridesmaids spent so much time fighting over who was the MOH that they didn't actually support the bride at all. For example, during pictures the groomsmen sorted her veil, her dress and helped her across the ground in heels. The bridesmaids did their pictures and then hit the bar. All they wanted was the title, but not the responsibility that came with it.

forte6320 said:

I have the opposite story. My husband's brother got engaged around the same time we did. Neither she nor I really cared about weddings. We had both recently located across the country to be with our partners. Neither of us had a sister. "Hey, will you be my MOH?"

"Sure, will you be mine?" Our weddings were small and simple....because we just weren't that into it. We both said, "Pick a dress you like." No shower. Our weddings were a few days apart because 99% of our guests list were out of state, with many out of the country. We didn't want them to travel twice in one year.

The guys had a good friend who was getting married about a month after us. So that bride joined our little club of "we don't care about weddings." Our Bachelorette was dinner at a super fancy restaurant because bride #3 was super fancy pants. It was fine. We had fun.

It was a blast having the weddings so close together. Friends and family turned it into a big vacation/family reunion. We lived in a big city with tons of things to do. Also, lots of great nearby day trips. We kept it super casual.

We had a list of things to do and some planned events, but nothing was mandatory. It was awesome to be able to actually spend time with guests. It was a week long party! We were the most chill MOHs ever! All we had to do was stand next to each other during the ceremony.

TootsNYC said:

My sister and I fought with one another over being MOH in each other's weddings. When she asked me (youngest sister married first), I was already living half a continent away.

I argued that she should ask her best friend instead, because the friend lived near her and was going to be helping her, and they were very close.
It's not that I wasn't close to her, or that I didn't love her—but I'd lived away for so long (she's 8 years younger, ffs), and I wouldn't be there to help her.

And her friend would really love the honor. I should be a bridesmaid, and I'd do anything I could from the coast, and I wasn't hung up on the title. She should honor her friend.

Nope, my sister insisted; her friend would understand, she said.
She was right—her friend did all the helping (both before and on day of, though I tried my best; I just wasn't needed) that a best friend would do, and never blinked about the title. In fact, she reportedly agreed with my sister and was aghast at the idea that I'd be "demoted" to bridesmaid.

Fast-forward several years, I'm marrying, Sis and I are on opposite coasts, and she has a little, little kid. My best friend says, "of course your sister will be MOH," and I ask my sister, who argues that my BBF should be my MOH, because my sis is not going to be able to help much, either ahead of or day of.

I insist, and so my friend and I do the same thing she and her friend did: my sis is my MOH mostly to honor her place in the family, and my BFF does all the things a MOH normally does (help me get ready, keep me steady, plan a bridal-shower-in-a-box, etc., while Sis wrangled a 13-mo. toddler). So yeah, we had "drama," of a sort. I find it kind of amusing.

Barfignugen said:

My best friend is planning her wedding now and is choosing to have no bridesmaids at all because of similar drama. I’ve already made it clear to her that absolutely ZERO percent of this wedding is about me or my feelings.

I’m here to help HER and make sure that what SHE and her fiancé want is what happens. All these people making any part of this about themselves are fucking psychos. I’d expect more from people in their late 30’s/early 40’s but I guess some people never grow out of it.