'AITA for winning a couple million in the lottery and giving half to my ex BEFORE I met my current GF?' UPDATED
"AITA for winning a couple of million on the lottery and giving half to my ex BEFORE I met my current girlfriend?"
So I’m 35m and was with my ex from school until 5 years ago. We have a child together too that we both coparent really well. We never fall out and with each other but the love and attraction has all gone (she cheated on me but there’s more to the story than that and it’s not all on her).
Two years ago I happened to win around £4m on the lottery. My first thought was my child. I wanted him to grow up with an equal life like he has mine and the less stress his parents have the less stress he has. I decided to split the win with my ex. We have both been sensible with the money.
I quit my job as a mechanic, took my sports and football coaching badges and with a friend we started a business going around primary schools doing classes in all sorts of sports and fitness and also helping out local sports clubs and teams with coaching and methods etc. It will never make us rich but we make around 1.5 times the national average wage. I bought a £300k house and a £40k car and that’s about it.
My ex opened up a beauty salon that’s doing really well and also bought herself a house. I met my current girlfriend on a night out around six months ago. Things have been going well. She knows I won the lottery and that’s why I’ve got a nicer house and car than my income will normally provide and why I like to go away on a couple of nice holidays a year.
She’s never asked for anything from me materially and kept insisting on covering half the dates despite me offering to pay every time. We are getting more serious but nowhere near moving in or anything like that or her meeting my son yet.
It all came to a head last week when the subject of my ex came up and my girlfriend said how nice her beauty salon is. We were with a couple of my friends and one of them said “it should be nice, Sam paid for it” she asked what he was talking about and before I could answer my friend said “he gave her two million quid."
My girlfriend was quiet for the rest of the night and then when we got back to mine she exploded and said I was still in love with her and that’s why I gave her the money, that I wasn’t normal, that no wonder a lottery winner only lives in a house like this and drives a s#$t car when I gave half away, that I was a gullible simp.
She said how embarrassed she is by me, how “we” could be set for life with that money and never work again, etc etc. t went on for so long I told her to leave as I’m going to bed and not listening to this anymore.
I haven’t seen her since and she hadn’t answered my calls or replied to my messages apart from the odd insult until today when she said the only way she could stay with my is to ask my ex for whatever money she has left to be returned to me so she can save face.
I told her no and I’m done with her. She again accused me of trying to buy back my ex and I blocked her. Is this going to be a problem I have with other women going forward? AITA for this?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
NYCStoryteller wrote:
LOL. It may be a problem for other women you date going forward, but that's a good weed out method. Someone who properly loves you will see that you're a good man who took care of the mother of his child and ensured that BOTH of you can have a good life, even though you're no longer together. I think it's a green flag.
OP responded:
Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease. I was starting to think I’d done something wrong but I didn’t know what.
NYCStoryteller wrote:
Some people will say you did too much, but at the time of your win, you and your ex had only been separated for a couple of years, and if you had won it when you were still together, you would have split it 50/50.
I imagine it makes a lot of things easier for you as a co-parent knowing that you split the win with her, since she can never really say that you owe her anything for your child, and your child is well provided for.
OP responded:
It just felt right because what’s the point in my son having one rich parent and one struggling parent.
preparetodobattle wrote:
You did a good thing for the benefit of your child and your child’s mother. Well done.
MaxwellKillMill wrote:
She was playing the long game brotha. That’s why she erupted in anger, cause she realized she made a bad bet that wasn’t going to pay off like she was plotting.
OP responded:
That’s what my friend said. He said she was going to act like this until she had her feet under the table.
Capt1an_Cl0ck wrote:
Your friend is correct. You did it to give your kid a stable life in both households. That and you seem to have no ill will towards your ex. Lots of people can’t say that. Her misguided belief that “we” wouldn’t have to work is all that needs to be said.
You decided to still work in a different venture. She was planning to not work at all and live off you. I’d say you got to see the true her before getting on any further. It’s only been a short while. I’d walk and something else will come up.
Five days later, OP shared an update.
Just a quick update as I got a lot of nice comments and messages on my original post. She unblocked me and asked for forgiveness but I said no it’s gone too far and for me it’s over. She didn’t take it very well and I got bombarded with ab#$ive messages for a day or two but they’ve stopped today as have the phone calls from a withheld number.
A few people asked on the last post why I gave my ex half rather than put it in savings for our kid. Between us we have nearly a million that we have put aside for him that cannot be touched and will earn interest over the years.
As for the cheating which a lot of people mentioned, we were each others first for everything and we talked about it and both admitted a few years we felt a touch of regret.
We both agreed to threesomes so over the course of the next year or so we had threesomes with a few men and a few women. Unfortunately she ended up catching feelings for one of the men. Not the end of the world and no reason for us to fall out.
The comments kept coming.
lilredknightmare wrote:
I can honestly say that you appear to be a good person. Good on you for standing up for yourself and not take that sort of treatment.
OP responded:
Thank you I appreciate the kind words x
sikonat wrote:
You’re a green flag. And in revealing so you’ve weeded out a red flag. I’d almost suggest keeping your lotto win quiet for the next gf but in a way now you know how to work out quickly if someone’s with you for your $. I wish you success with finding love and your sports program. That really sounds cool.
OP responded:
Thank you 🙏. I love the sports program. Yesterday a mum came up to me and said how much her son is enjoying it and he’s having a birthday party next weekend and when she asked who he wanted to invite the first person he said was “coach Daniel”. I’ll be honest it had me tearing up lol.
Mejai91 wrote:
You’re a real man. You know that right? Like a real good one. Sacrificing half your wealth for the betterment of your child was a real power move in the realm of maturity in my opinion.
I think your kid is going to have a significantly more stable life because of your decision and receive the myriad of mental health benefits that accompany that. Be proud of yourself and screw the gold digger, someone like that isn’t worth a second thought to a man of your caliber.
OP responded:
You’re making me blush lol. Thank you.
Darknessgg wrote:
NTA. She's the woman you have a kid with and you two did each other's solid by trying to move forward together and being mature enough to split amicably and still set aside enough for your joint child.
The money I think is fair. Whatever money you guys had before split earned / won would be joint. But even afterwards, taking care of the people that mean something to you is a responsible thing to do. Your GF shouldn't be involved with your money.